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Indian Nursery Rhymes 

   Laloo Bhai bihari 
   Went up the pahari 
   To fetch a bail for court order 
   Laloo fell down 
   And lost his crown 
   But Rabri reigned thereafter. 
   ________________________________ 
   Laxman laxman 
   Yes pappa 
   Eating money 
   No pappa 
   Telling lies 
   No pappa 
   Open yr drawer 
   Ha ha ha 
   ________________________________ 
   Samata party is falling down 
   Falling down 
   Falling down 
   Samata party is falling down 
   Falling down 
   Falling down 
   My fair jaitley (jaya) 
   ________________________________ 
   Wha Wha Black Sheep 
   Have you pulled the wool? 
   Yes sir, Yes sir, 
   Three bags full. 
   One for my father, 
   One for my dame, 
   And one for the CBI 
   Crying in the lane. 
   __________________________________ 
   Little Miss Bharti, 
   Did a Maha-arti, 
   So the BJP would always hold sway. 
   There came a big BSP With Mayavati its USP. 
   And frightened Miss Bharti away. 
   ________________________________ 
   Little Lal Advani 
   Sat with his TV vahini 
   Taking his party's rai 
   He stuck out hist humb, 
   Hoping to pull out the plum, 
   And said, 'Can I have a slice of Vaj-pie?' 
   ____________________________________ 
   Batsman-bowler sat on the ball. 
   Batsman-bowler had a great fall, 
   All the bookies' cookies, 
   All the bribers' men, 
   Couldn't put Indian cricket together again. 
   ____________________________________ 
   Bankers and ministers 
   Sold for a penny 
   All the swindlers are so many 
   The envy's green 
   And the CBI red's 
   Nail them all, and get 
   Their head, head, head.


"Phir bhi dil hai PAKISTANI"



The hijacked Indian airplane was kept at Kandahar airport in Afghanistan. Kandahar in Afghanistan is historically associated with Mahabharat (One of India's great Epics). Kandahar was originally GANDHAR, the kingdom of Prince Shakuni, who was known for his cunning & stabbing in the back.


SOME FACTS:
 An insect falls into a mug of tea ! 
 Englishman: throws the mug away and walks out. 
 American:  takes the insect out and drinks the tea. 
 Chinese:  eats the insect and throws the tea away. 
 Israeli:  sucks the tea from the insect before throwing the insect
 away and drinking the tea. 

 Pakistani:  accuses the Indian of throwing the insect into his tea
 and vows to reply in kind.

 Indian: accuses Pakistan of helping the insect to infiltrate into the
 mug, supplying it with nourishment to continue swimming in the tea,
 blames it as a long term ISI operation, terms the insect as an Islamic
 militant, then an Afghan mercenary, then a Pakistan army regular and
 finally a Pakistan SSG commando in an undercover operation and
 presents identity card of the bug to prove that it indeed is a
 Pakistan army person in an undercover operation to change the status
 of LOC, and vows to defend every inch of the mug and every drop of tea.



The Egg
There was once an Indian and a Pakistani who lived next door to each other. The Pakistani owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast. 
One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Indian's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Indian pick up the egg. The Pakistani ran up to the Indian and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Indian disagreed because the egg was laid on his property. 
They argued for a while until finally the Pakistani said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the face and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the face and time how long it takes for me to get up, whoever gets up quicker wins the
egg." 
The Indian agreed to this and so the Pakistani found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Indian and kicked as hard as he could in the face. 
The Indian fell to the floor clutching his jaw howling in agony for 30 minutes. 
Eventually the Indian stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you." 
The Pakistani said, "Keep the damn egg!"


COMPUTER VIRUSES
MADE IN INDIA
The following is the list of some new viruses going round in India. 
Better beware of them. 
 
1. Narasimha Rao Virus: First of all, this virus reduces the CPU speed to 66 Hz.Before executing any instruction, it deliberates over it a number of times and finally does nothing. 

2. V.P.Singh Virus: This virus reserves a quota for each instruction, and executes them only according to the quota. Needless to say, the least used instructions have a higher quota than the more used instructions. This virus is also known as social justice virus. 

3. Sukh Ram Virus: This virus first swallows 10% of the bits in each instruction and then executes them. 

4. Tamizhkudimagan Virus: This virus makes sure that only programs written in the Tamil Language are executed. 

5. Maneka Gandhi Virus: This is a green virus. It executes only those programs that were written by vegetarians. 
 

6. Advani Virus: This virus pops up every now and then, and the only way you can continue working is by typing "Jai Shri Ram" 108 times. 

7. K.P.S. Gill Virus: Only ladies need to worry about this virus.  Every now and then the users get a whack, you know where. 

8. Phoolan Devi Virus: This virus hijacks all high priority processes and generates page faults for them. At times, this virus may also celebrate the CPU's birthday. 

9. Deve Gowda Virus: The main characteristic of this virus is that it tries to schedule all the processes at the same time. This virus services all the request for resources, and allocates them irrespective of whether they are available or not. 

10. Jayalalitha Virus: This actually is a family of viruses. Each member of this virus family grab as much of hard disk space as possible, while the main virus claims that it is totally unaware of it. When everything stops working, this virus blames the user for the whole chaos.


A customs agent stopped an old Kashmiri man who had just migrated to Pakistan from Indian-occupiedKashmir and asked him to open his two suitcases.  In the first suitcase he found over a million Indian Rupees in old one Rupee bills.

"Excuse me, sir" he asked the old gentleman, "where did you get all thismoney?"

"Well, I'll tell you," the old man began, "for many years, I traveled all around India. I stopped at all of the public rest rooms in all the major cities; I went to New Delhi, then I went to Calcutta, then I went to Mumbai, then I went to Chennai. I went into all the stalls where the men were peeing and I say.... "Give me a Rupee for Kashmiri Mujaheedin ,or I'll cut off your testicles with my knife ! "

"That's quite a story," the customs agent said, "what's in the second suitcase?"

"Well, you know," said the old Kashmiri shaking his head,... "not everyone likes to give..."



Indian Prime Minister Atal Bihari Vajpayeeis speeding through Maharashtra with his Driver at the wheel on his way to an important address in Bombay. Driving down a country road, the Driver runs over a pig which was walking across the road. Stopping the car, he jumps out, and Vajpayee climbs out also to see what is going on. The Driver, very distressed by what he`s done, asks Vajpayee what they should do, and Vajpayee tells him impatiently that they`re in a hurry and they should move the pig to the side of the road and get to their destination and
worry about it later. All the way to their destination, the Driver, who is a fairly good-hearted person despite his employer, is worried about the family who owned the pig and wondered how they`d react to discovering the pig, so when they arrived he asked Vajpayee whether he should drive back to the farm and let them know what happened.

Vajpayee agrees before hurrying to the podium, and the Driver hurries back down the road. Four hours later, he was stumbling down the road, his arms full of gifts. Vajpayee in a rage demands to know what has happened to him, and the Driver explains, "I did what I thought was right. I went to the farm and knocked on the door and gave them the news. They gave me these gifts, fed me the best food I`ve ever tasted and then sent me on my way."

Vajpayee seemed confused by this and asks his Driver, "Well, what exactly did you tell them?" To which the Driver replied "I really can`t understand it either. All I did was tell them, ‘I`m Vajpayee`s Driver, and I have killed the pig’.”



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